? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
