Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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