Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
