a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
