when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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