So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am mentally ready for anal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
