My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
