Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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