It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize