can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how can u be prego again
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
