The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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