Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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