Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
