Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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