Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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