what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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