she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
