i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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