Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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