Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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