I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
