Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
