i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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