Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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