First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
