he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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