I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
