Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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