I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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