I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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