chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
