Ambien. No doubt about it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Send help, water and tortillas.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
