There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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