have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize