either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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