Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize