I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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