tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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