I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
