Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
