She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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