I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
