Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
