so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
