You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
