People with herpes should wear stickers.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
