I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drake has all the answers
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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