fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
