I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
