I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
