i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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