I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
