Betty ford says i'm here all night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
