do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
