i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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