i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
