Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
