Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
