so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize