Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
