are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
