new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
