thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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