you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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