I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
